There. That feels better. Today’s meditation is about people who make me cry. I’ve been working on this project for a while to take a bunch of very special children somewhere to make their Christmas holidays special. Before I continue, I must clarify – I am not a Christian. Most of these children are being raised as Christians in Christian homes, so Christmas is important to them. Not to mention Santa Claus and that whole malarkey. This is about them, not me. I’m sure you think I have another agenda and I do. I want to get some great publicity for the organisations who are involved with this so that they get more donors and can do more good work.
What do I get out of it? I’m sure you are wondering. What I get out of doing shit like this is that I keep my ‘karma bank’ credit good. This means that whenever I want to be an utter wanker, I can do so without guilt, because I’ve paid my dues. Now, don’t be silly. Of course, I don’t actually believe in karma, but I have friends who do and they assure me that it doesn’t work like that anyway. So why the fuck do I do these things? It’s not like the idea of sitting in a bus full of children is something I fancy in the slightest. Truly, it’s not.
So, why the fuck do I do these things? I don’t know. I just do. Don’t get deep about it and be a dick. Maybe I just get a touch of the ‘feels’ now and again. That happened this morning and that’s what I am so ungrateful for today.
You see, things didn’t go as I thought they should and this little plan of mine is going to cost more than my partner is willing to allow me to indulge from our savings account. I really needed some sponsors to make this happen. I had my heart set on one particular sponsor, but ultimately, everything came together too late and they couldn’t help this time.
So, last night, while out with some of my annoyingly wonderful friends, I realised that I had a short window of opportunity to find a way to pay for this or else I was going to look like the biggest pile of shit ever, having to tell these kids that their exciting day out was being called off. I really didn’t want to be that person.
I woke up this morning hoping I could wrangle enough money to make it happen by the end of the week. I emailed a couple of friends and business owners and put some messages out on the ‘internets’. By 9am this morning, my eyes were leaking uncontrollably because people had to turn around and be generous, more generous than I asked. Arseholes.
So, today, I am bloody ungrateful for having people in my life who consistently prove me wrong when I declare that ‘people are horrible, selfish idiots.’ Sometimes, I think the only reason they keep being so lovely to me is because deep down, they aren’t lovely at all. They are arseholes, who just like to see me cry.