Today I am going to talk to you about humans in your world that claim the title ‘pro life’. No, these aren’t animal rights campaigners or vegans, though it would seem that those folks would have a good claim on the ‘pro life’ title. No, these aren’t people who fight against the death penalty and spend their lives dedicated to saving humans who have been wrongly convicted of serious crimes and are now waiting for execution. They’d also have a great claim to that title.
No, these aren’t people who lobby their government tirelessly to press them to find alternatives to war where so many people die on both sides. They too have a very reasonable claim to being ‘pro life’. No, these aren’t people who spend their life devoted to caring for children that society has rejected. ‘Pro life’ would surely be a title to bestow upon them. No, these aren’t the people trying to save our forests and oceans before we completely destroy them and, ultimately, destroy ourselves. Can’t get more ‘pro life’ than that. These aren’t even people who are trying to reduce gun violence and the proliferation of weapons in society that are designed to kill humans. Those folks are seriously ‘pro life’. No, these are none of those things.
The people I am talking about, who have claimed the title ‘pro life’, want to stop women from having access to legal, elective abortion. That’s their thing. They spend their lives and direct their efforts towards eggs that have mixed with sperm in women’s uteruses potentially becoming unwanted children. They quite literally want to stop women from access to a legal procedure that is safe specifically because it’s legal and to force them to have unwanted babies. Or, more realistically, illegal and unsafe abortions.
I’m not sure that ‘pro life’ is an honest description. Some might say that it’s even hypocritcal. If these people are pro anything, I suppose they are ‘pro forced birth’. Maybe we could stretch to ‘pro unwanted babies’…no, that wouldn’t be quite right as they aren’t lining up to provide homes, health care and education for those babies, so no – they aren’t ‘pro unwanted babies’. Let’s see, they could be ‘pro perfect people’ because of course perfect people don’t make mistakes, have accidents or fall victim to some of life’s circumstances that might lead to an unwanted pregnancy. And of course perfect girls never get raped.
So, what are they? They are ‘anti children’, as it seems as they want to force more unwanted children into the world. They are ‘anti sex’. That’s a given because they love to punish people for having sex. They are ‘anti sensible decisions for a family’ because they want to force families to have children that they don’t have the resources to care for properly.
Oh, wait a minute, I’ve remembered another thing that they are ‘pro’. They are pro ‘post-partum’ abortion. (Just for the information of my readers a ‘pre-partum’ abortion is an abortion that takes place before birth and a ‘post-partum’ abortion happens after birth). I think I’ve got it. They are most definitely very pro ‘post partum’ abortion. Homicide is one of the top three causes of death of children aged 1-4 and it’s most often committed by a parent. In fact the risk of infant homicide, most interestingly, is highest on the day of its birth. I wonder if those murdered babies were wanted. Ya think?
Glad we’ve settled that. The pro ‘post-partum’ abortion label seems to work. I mean these people tend to be pro death penalty – that’s pretty late term ‘post-partum’ abortion. They are also pro war, which not only leads to multiple ‘post-partum’ abortions but the resulting deaths of pregnant civilian women mean that these folks are even pro ‘pre-partum’ abortion for some. They also love to stockpile guns, so that they can perform ‘post-partum’ abortions upon other people’s children as takes their fancy. Can you imagine if every time there was a threat of abortion being banned in the USA, people stockpiled abortions?
Those who are particularly active in the pro ‘post-partum’ abortion movement are often very enthusiastic and so, leave their guns where toddlers can access them. I’m sure you’re aware that toddlers in the USA are participating in ‘post-partum’ abortion of themselves and others at an alarming rate.
Of course, the same folks are also anti-gay marriage, which means they actively participate in the stigmatisation of lgbt people which results in quite shocking and disproportionate teen suicide rates, otherwise known by the pro ‘post-partum’ abortion movement as ‘abomination self abortion’. It’s actually a very successful movement indeed.
But they don’t succeed at everything. For example, one of their biggest failures are the humans born to become doctors that perform abortions. They have developed a good workaround for that one though. They just kill them with guns or bombs.
You’re a boy. I admit, that may change one day, but as far as I’m aware, right now, you’re a boy. Unless there are some radical advances in science, you probably won’t ever have a pregnancy terminated, but, as you possess a penis, there is good chance that you might be responsible (or irresponsible as the case may be) for allowing one of your sperm to find its way into an egg, where it simply is not welcome. So, you actually have plenty of say in whether or not an abortion happens at least until your sperm is no longer in your possession.
Once it has taken residence in someone else’s body, your rights over that sperm end unless it eventually comes into the world as a living breathing human. Pro ‘post-partum’ abortion activists would insist that you keep your sperm under control and if you fail to do so you’re a terrible terrible human being. In fact, you may even be an evil murderer and you will probably burn in hell for eternity.
*Insert scratched record rewind and screeching brakes sound here* Wait a fookin’ minute! How many times have you heard this being said to men? Umm…probably never. You know why? Because it’s convenient and far more fun to blame it all on women. After all, they committed the original sin. Because it’s they who are burdened with the whole egg/sperm connection thing, it is they who are the murderers if they decide that the egg/sperm/fetus thing isn’t for them. Men, of course, are simply innocent bystanders, whose sperm escaped and found their way into an evil murdering woman’s vagina without their participation.
The people who want to stop women from being able to terminate an unwanted pregnancy honestly have no fucks to give about the unwanted children who result. They just believe that women were created to be sperm receptacles and incubators for more humans, preferably other humans just like them. Therefore, they will blame, threaten, intimidate, harass and curse women with eternal damnation for having abortions. Not because they are really anti abortion at all, but because they only want people to die in manners they find acceptable such as state execution, childhood neglect and abuse, suicide, war and guns.
Most pro ‘post-partum’ abortion activists claim that they are Christians and, as we know, religious folks believe that they must force everyone to conform to the rules of their religion as they interpret them. The fact that they also oppose sex education and contraception – ie. the tools required to prevent ‘pre-partum’ abortion – completely evades them. Additionally, the fact that most of their ilk conveniently choose not to obey the vast majority of the rules of their religion, also seems to evade them.
In fact, Christians, including Catholics ( I know they all try to disown each other but that’s for another blog) seem to be the people most likely to actually participate in ‘pre-partum’ abortion. Since they also spend so much time promoting ‘post-partum’ abortion through the policies they support, I’d say that there is a good case to just call them ‘pro abortion’ if we’re going to be honest about it. Closeted in a most perverse manner, but hey, they do everything in their power to make sure that people and fetuses die in great numbers.
Everything they say and everything they do contributes to more, not less, abortion (pre and post-partum). So, because I’m such a fabulous and helpful Badass Auntie, I’m going to help truly pro life humans to become more effective in my letter to your sister. Now, my little lovely nephew, here is my Badass Auntie wisdom for you today – you take care of your own penis, sperm and fertility and let the women in your life take care of theirs. Well, not their penises, unless of course they have them, in which case they don’t have to worry about being pregnant. See how simple that is.
Much love from your Badass Auntie
Aren’t you the lucky one today? We’re going to have a female to female talk. I cant’ really say ‘woman to woman’ because you’re not that much beyond being a fetus yourself, but you were born female and as you haven’t decided otherwise yet, we are going to have this talk. You might want kids one day. You might not. I didn’t. I had abortions. Oh yes, not one, but two – actually technically I had two pregnancies and three abortions because they fucked up one of them and so I had to get it done again.
You see, abortion is nothing to be ashamed of and we need to talk about it. Women have abortions. Millions of women have abortions. Millions of imperfect, thoughtful, intelligent women, who know that bringing an unwanted child into this world is not a sensible thing to do have abortions. Why don’t we talk about them more? I mean we talk about poops and farts all the time. It’s not like bodily functions seem to be an issue. We talk about cosmetic surgery all the time. So it’s not like having elective surgery is a taboo. Wait a minute, we don’t talk much about women’s reproductive health . Mention the word ‘period’ in mixed company and watch the response. Just so you know, a considerable number of periods contain fertilised eggs, so once you start menstruating, accept the fact that you are a living self abortionist.
The problem is, you see, that we live in a patriarchal society and also lots of religions seem to want to involve themselves in what goes on in people’s nether regions. It’s a bizarre obsession. They wish to control who and how people fuck, under what circumstances and what happens to the outcome of those fucks. What’s completely weird is that all the while there’s this nagging issue of the ongoing sexual predation of their pastors and priests upon children, which are either conveniently ignored or, inconveniently covered up. Worst case scenario they may have to apologise and pray.
Let’s get back to the matter at hand, or possibly hanger (yes I said it) depending on where you live in the world – abortion. No one is ‘pro abortion’ in the same way no one is ‘pro vasectomy’. It’s an elective surgical procedure related to your right to control your own reproductive status and health, which is perfectly legal in your country right now. Unfortunately, just because it’s legal that doesn’t mean it’s easy to get. In much of the world it’s not legal and, as a result, tens of thousands of women die from having illegal abortions.
Can you imagine if men had to travel hundreds of miles, had to pass through a gauntlet of ‘anti vasectomy’ protesters calling them murderers (I mean realistically they are removing ‘God’s will’ from the process of reproduction and possibly condemning millions of potential humans to non existence) and then had to wait 48-72 hours after seeing a doctor just to make sure they were certain? Oh and they could be shown little animated films of penises and sperms crying just to help them ‘do the right thing’. No, you can’t because it doesn’t happen to men.
To help you in your endeavors to be the great human being I know you will be, I am now going to share with you the guaranteed ways to reduce the number of abortions. This is also for all those pro lifers out there. No, not the kind who want to control women’s bodies. Give me a break. They won’t have read this because they don’t read anything that provides useful information. They do, though, love to perve over photos of mangled fetuses and share them among themselves. I’m not sure what sort of ‘phelia’ that is, but it’s not a pleasant one.
How to Reduce Abortion in 10 Easy Steps
By Badass Auntie
1. Accept that people have sex. They have lots of sex. They do it for fun. Just because you don’t, doesn’t mean you can ruin it for others and try to control how, when and with whom they should be having sex. Also accept that whether or not a person is having sex for fun or not, whether they are having sex consensually or have been raped, if a woman becomes pregnant, how she decides to deal with that pregnancy is None. Of. Your. Fucking. Business. Punishing women for having sex, or, even worse, for being raped, is simply a disgusting thing to do and people who do it are the scum of the earth.
2. Provide free healthcare for all children. Having children is expensive. These days there are huge pressures on parents to spend vast amounts of money on their kids. Because of this the cost of having and raising children is a significant factor in the decision to have an abortion. If you want people to not have abortions, make it possible for them to have children and care for them responsibly.
3. Fuck it! Just be civilised and provide free fucking health care for everyone. If you really claim to be pro-life, then that means you don’t just want fetuses to live. If you want everyone to live, then the best way to achieve that is to keep them healthy and give them good treatment when they are not. Simple really.
4. Provide free, great quality, childcare so that women and men are able to afford to support their family. If parents, especially single parents, didn’t have to fork out half their earnings on childcare, abortion may not have to be an option for them.
5. Provide free university, college and trade skill education so that women and men can have the knowledge and skills to get decent jobs. If people were not only not worried about their own jobs and earnings but felt secure that their children would receive a good further education, they might believe that this is a world they feel comfortable bringing a child into.
6. Provide excellent, fact based, thorough and proven effective sex education in schools and do not allow parents to opt their children out of it. Stop it with this stupid, up your arse, religion based abstinence crap bullshit. It doesn’t fucking work and it’s completely insane. While it’s clear that pro ‘post-partum’ abortion advocates hate facts, that doesn’t mean that facts don’t exist. Better, medically correct, sex education results in fewer unwanted pregnancies, STDs and abortions. Go figure. Who would have thought that education could do that? It defies logic that this even needs to be said.
7. Provide free and easy access to contraception for men and women. Ut oh. More facts to be ignored. Giving people access to contraception reduces abortion. I know. Unbelievable, huh?
8. Do not allow religious groups to participate in law making. (oh and make them pay taxes!) Given, as previously mentioned, that members of the most vocal groups against abortion are the most likely to have them, I don’t think religious organisations are in a position to tell anyone what they can and cannot do if they are pregnant. Abortions are legal. Get over it. Oh, and pay fucking taxes.
9. Encourage adoption and fostering and adopt or foster if you can. If women with unplanned pregnancies felt that there was an adoption system that could guarantee that the child they give birth to would be loved and cared for by adoptive parents and wouldn’t end up stuck in a crappy government system they might not opt for abortion. If more people adopted instead of insisting that their genetic matter is of such great importance that it must be continued, the world would be a better place in so many ways, but most importantly, there would be fewer abortions.
10. And, finally, provide abortions free, safely and upon demand with no questions asked. If you didn’t know already, places that ban abortions have more abortions. Places with easy access to abortion have fewer abortions.
Women will always need and have abortions. That is a fact. If you ban abortions, women will simply have illegal ones and may well die in the process. Please be pro life. Be pro women’s lives, be pro wanted, healthy children’s lives. Be pro not being shot by a gun lives. Be pro not being killed in war lives. Don’t be pro ‘post-partum’ abortion because there’s another word for people who choose that path and that word is ‘arsewipe’.
My beautiful niece, I hope you will join me in my crusade to rid the world of arsewipes. If you ever need an abortion, go for it. Have three! That’s what I did. They are not the most fun you can have on a Saturday night but they certainly beat bringing a life into this world that wasn’t planned, wasn’t wanted and can’t be adequately cared for. If you do find yourself in the latter position, I understand from the ‘pro life’ movement that leaving a gun in your handbag offers a quick and easy resolution.
Much love from your Badass Auntie